Being at Your Best When Your Kids Are at Their Worst

June 17, 2019
Children who act out can tap adults’ emotional hot buttons, and the subsequent combustion is rarely productive for either party. Educational consultant Payne (Simplicity Parenting) builds on the practice of visualization he learned from sports psychologists as a young athlete in this accessible book for parents and teachers. Part one contains advice and tools for breaking from the “action-reaction” response when provoked, and understanding that children “ping,” or elicit reactions from, the adults they rely on when they’re upset. Part two explains a four-step “compassionate response” for adults that is based on the work of influential authors such as Stephen Covey and Rudolf Steiner, and which overlaps with mindfulness practices. The idea is to start with the only thing one can control: one’s response, an insight Payne likens to the flight attendant’s warning to parents to secure their own oxygen mask first. Part three explains that once tapped into this practice, one can extend it to any child one encounters in crisis. In other words, the key to helping an out-of-control child is a self-regulated adult. This book proves to be a practical guide to carrying out this centered approach, as well as an easy and encouraging reading experience.

August 1, 2019

Payne (Simplicity Parenting; The Soul of Discipline) has consulted for more than 200 U.S. schools, the South African Schools Federation, the Hungarian Ministry of Education, and the educational associations of Russia, Australia, and the UK. Growing up with an abusive mother and now a successful child counselor, Payne believes parents can break the cycle and stop living with unresolved issues of the past. Looking at trigger points, this book examines common reasons parents are provoked, including not only skills to help change that but also assistance to readers for gaining clarity on issues below the surface. Payne's Compassionate Response Practice provides a visualization and meditation technique he's used with success in his own practice. There is commonality between how we treat issues with our body and how we can deal with the emotional bruises of life. Just as a physical therapist strives to find what repetitive action is causing muscle inflammation, Payne shares ways we can avoid inflaming our situations at home even further and instead bring resolution to difficulties with our children. VERDICT Geared toward both parents and teachers, Payne's guidance will stimulate ideas for reframing how we respond to difficult family situations.

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