Celebrating Girls

September 2, 1996
How can we help girls find confidence in their femininity in a postfeminist society wherein they continue to be shortchanged both emotionally and developmentally? Rutter, a Jungian analyst in California, suggests that some answers lie in ritual and celebration. Many of her recommendations reflect actual rites of passage practiced by Native Americans and other tribal peoples. Rutter sometimes adopts a melodramatic New Age stance, e.g., her glowing report on a "group menarche ceremony" at something called the Menstrual Health Foundation: Coming of Age Project. She devotes an entire chapter to promoting water-related activities (from bubble baths to river rafting) to help young women get in touch with their "watery essence," which is her metaphor for "the ebb and flow" of feminine emotions. Yet, underlying even the loopiest prescriptions is a perceptive mind. Rutter adeptly suggests ways mothers can use traditionally feminine pastimes--shopping, storytelling, even brushing or braiding a child's hair--to instill in a daughter a strong sense of self. An empathic (and savvy) mother, she asserts, can even "reorient" a teenage daughter's avidity for makeup and clothes so that it is no longer a desperate urge to be accepted by her peer group, but a means to assert an idiosyncratic sense of self. (Aug.) Health

September 15, 1996
Family therapist Gurian (Mothers, Sons, and Lovers, LJ 12/93) offers a sweeping look at what makes boys and men act the way they do. He begins by thoroughly defining gender differences. Citing the strong push to hunt and reproduce, he argues that men need to compete and do combat and that society must accommodate these needs more productively. A boy needs a tribe, says Gurian, and not one but three families (birth or adoptive parents, extended families, and culture/community) are required to help him become a healthy man. Also, Gurian stresses discipline, spiritual principles, and "husbandry," which he defines as "generating and maintaining stable relationships with self, family, community, culture, and earth." All told, there is much to ponder and much to challenge readers here. On the other hand, Jungian analyst Rutter (Woman Changing Woman, LJ 7/93) begins with a large chip on her shoulder, whining from the start that girls are subjected to unbelievable pressures that diminish their self-esteem. Though she seeks to "celebrate" womanhood, the result is the opposite--the tone turns ever inward, focusing almost solely on issues of self-worth. Rutter praises rites of passage, coming-of-age ceremonies, and informal rituals (e.g., sharing a candlelit bath with your daughter, buying a first bra together) as the keys to enhancing self-esteem. She also recommends books and films that she feels reproduce positive images for women, including Thelma and Louise. Ultimately, however, what Rutter seems to be doing is turning mothers and daughters into members of a self-absorbed "me" generation. Not recommended.--Linda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, Pa.